According to Duden, empathy is the "readiness and ability to empathize with other people's attitudes." Non-violent communication goes a little further: we understand the ability to fully empathize with one's counterpart and to focus on his current feelings and needs. This means simply "just" listening to him with all his senses without assessing what has been said and thus possibly even influencing him.
The more I get from my own thoughts, reviews, experiences, etc. the closer I can be to the other and his concern. I try to pick him up (if possible) neutrally where he stands, I am a kind of neutral observer, so to speak: how is my counterpart doing, what does he need or needs. what might he want or did he hope for?
It is not a question of solving his problems, concerns, etc. but to accompany him in his self-clarification process in such a way that he comes closer to himself and his needs. Empathy is like peeling an onion.
The outcome of the conversation at the end is completely irrelevant. The main thing is that the person concerned feels heard.
"Don't do anything, just be there," says a Buddhist proverb, perhaps well reflecting what empathic listening is all about.
listen… Most of the time I do this in silence by simply keeping eye contact and signaling to my counterpart through a posture facing him: I am with you with all my attention! When I feel an impulse, I can reflect or reflect feelings and needs. offer (for example. "Do you feel…?" or "Do you want…?") that I have heard or heard. ask if he feels understood. When I notice that my assumptions are going in the right direction (e.g. by nodding the other, or a more relaxed posture) I can offer further needs and support him.
However, I can only fully empathize with my counterparts if I myself am fully saturated with empathy and feel strengthened. Otherwise, my attention may quickly fade or I may even bring my own story, i.e. experiences and prefabricated opinions into play, and take the space out of my counterpart.
If we are in the definition of empathy, it is also important to look at possible pitfalls, into which one can tap especially when one is not in the midst of it.
For example, I can express empathy to experience it for myself or out of a desire to experience recognition myself. It is also easy to comfort, appease or encourage others in their plight, or even to create examples of one's own life, such as "I also know this" or "I have had the situation before and …" Etc. Often we also want to give the other or analyse, diagnose or give advice to what he has said.
These strategies can provide short-term relief for the other in his pain, but do not necessarily bring him closer to his needs and thus not necessarily.
So it is important to be self-empowered with all his senses and just to hear him "only".