Learning non-violent communication

We put together various ways to help you learn non-violent communication. One possibility is our eBook, which you can read directly here (sorted by the individual chapters).

The CSF consists of 4 steps, observation, feeling, need and request. In the respective sub-chapters you can learn more about the individual steps.

The founder of the CSF is Marshall Rosenberg.  Maybe you already know his books or videos.

If you still want to know what the whole thing should bring you and why it can be useful, then you can read more here.

Why non-violent communication?

Does it belong to you that people do or say something that you disagree with? You may be angry, sad or helpless in such situations, and you cannot really talk constructively to your counterpart about it. Perhaps you are also resuscing the other and giving him or her the responsibility for making you feel bad. This often leads to disputes that can hurt both interlocutors in the course of the process. After that, you may be sad or frustrated and regret having said certain things. This often feels very unsatisfactory, especially when you feel that your counterpart has not understood you.

You probably know such situations and you might want to be able to say openly, without arguing, if you are upset or sad about something. If you remain silent instead, the conflict may not be resolved, but only postponed. Their feelings become more intense because of a lack of understanding, and in the worst case, the frustration is unleashed into shouting or worse. The CSF is a constructive way in which you can tell your counterpart what is important to you. Your counterpart will then be more open to understanding you and vice versa, owing to your appreciative and need-oriented way of communicating. As a result, both parties feel better, more reassured and more relaxed than before in conflict talks.

Dealing with feelings

If you communicate non-violently, you will continue to feel angry, sad or helpless, but you will deal with your feelings in a way that is much more enjoyable and enriching for you and your fellow human beings. The CSF opens up new ways for you to look at and understand such situations. You will learn helpful ways to share what's important to you—so that your counterpart is more willing to understand and accept it.

Find out what you need

You can use non-violent communication to find out what exactly makes you angry or sad, and what you need in concrete terms to make you feel better about the situation. The more we understand what is going on in us, the clearer, more confident and calmer we can communicate this to our counterparts. We can take care of ourselves by finding different ways to get what we need right now. And because we can then better understand situations, for example with strong outbursts of emotion, we are also more willing to hear what is going on in our counterpart, what he or she is about. This can relax difficult situations and lead to more connection, harmony and tranquility.

Dealing with yourself more empathetic

The following explanations are not fixed rules, but recommendations. In the spirit of the CSFs, you are responsible for how you decide to act. A nice side effect can be that you can also be more friendly with yourself by using the CSFs. If you are angry about yourself or make accusations, you can use the CSF to better understand the causes. Then it will be easier for you to make changes to turn the situation around for the better. We welcome every reader who feels inspired by our texts and the ideas and work of Marshall B. Rosenberg to make her life more peaceful and easier.