Non-violent communication refers on the one hand to the concrete communication technique with four steps and on the other hand to an attitude, i.e. an inner attitude in dealing with ourselves and others. The method of the CSF with its four communication steps observation, feeling, need and request can serve us as a tool in contact with others and with ourselves as orientation. This makes us better able to see what is really important to us. It is easier for us to find solutions to meet this important —our needs.
In advance, however, it makes sense to know what the attitude behind this communication technique is:
The non-violent attitude is based on the theory that everything we do is to meet needs. So we do not think in the categories "right" and "wrong", but look at whether the chosen strategy meets the other person's own needs and those of the other person. If this is not the case, we can look for other strategies that better meet the intended needs of those who are acting.
Max has a strong need to be seen. He could try to meet this need by dancing on the table with dirty shoes and roaring around loudly. However, this means that Kim, Helga and Bernd's needs for peace, cleanliness and harmony may be unfulfilled. Here it would be necessary to consider whether there is another strategy that meets Max's need to be seen and touches the needs of others less or not at all.
In addition, the CSF's attitude implies that only we ourselves have responsibility for our feelings and needs.
If Max dances and roars on the table, then e.g. Kim is upset because she has a need for calm. Anger therefore has its unfulfilled need as a cause. Max's behavior, on the other hand, is only the trigger, the signal that your need for rest is not met. It might as well be that Helga is not upset, because she does not have such a strong need for rest. Instead, she is happy that Max is creating a mood because her need for entertainment is fulfilled.
So whether we see ourselves affected by behavior or rejoice in it is not due to the actions of another person, but to our current needs, our thought patterns and our personality.