Step 4: The request

Requests in the CSF

The request is the final part of this communication model, with a view of what the speaker wants. As easy as that may sound now, it can be difficult to implement. The request in the context of non-violent communication is based on the fact that the speaker has expressed his need and his associated feeling in advance. This means that there is clarity in the conversation about what is at stake and how the one who makes the request is really doing. If all this is conscious and visible, the other person feels that his counterpart is authentic and then the request can also be heard as such. If we make a request based on a real need, the recipient will be willing to fulfill this request.

Example: Kim and Max are scheduled for dinner. Kim is very much looking forward to this evening and spends a lot of time preparing. Max is also looking forward to the time together. The closer the evening gets, the more the excitement increases. Unfortunately, Max's boss received an order exactly two hours before the end of the day. It is therefore clear that Max does not make it on time for the agreed meeting. Now he could: 1. 1. Kim call and cancel. An apology and hope that a new possibility arises. (traditional way) or 2. Call Kim in good time, describe the actual situation and make a clear request. (GRP path) The GRP path could be: "Hi Kim, here's Max. I am still at work and unfortunately I will not make it to our meeting, which makes me very sad 26 Chapter 5 (feeling) because I would very much like to see you (need: exchange, proximity, communication). Tomorrow I have free time and so I ask you if we can postpone our meeting until 8 o'clock tomorrow?"

The clearer Max describes in this situation what is alive in him and what need remains unfulfilled, the more the chance that Kim will hear the request grows. The request does not feel like such for the other person if it is not clear in advance what the other person is really concerned about. If the need is clear, then the request has a sense for the listener. He can then understand and understand what it really is all about. The willingness to fulfill the request increases with it.