Communicating non-violently in everyday life
It is quite possible that the following is going through your mind: "That's all well and good. Sounds conclusive in itself. But I never manage to do that. I can never do that in everyday life." Now a few ideas and suggestions for your everyday life.
How to limit your frustration:
Most of us did not grow up with the CSF. So it's a new language for us that we're gradually learning. At the beginning we often sound a little bumpy, which can be frustrating. Here are some suggestions to get to a certain CSF routine as quickly and easily as possible:
1. Find an "empathy partner".
This is someone who practices with you to speak nonviolently. This can be someone from the circle of friends, someone you met in a CSF seminar or on the Internet (GRP webinar, online GRP exercise group, CSF groups in social media platforms). GrP days and GRP exercise groups are also well suited to find "empathy partners". Many of these offers cost little or nothing. You can flexibly tune the details as you like: how often you practice together, how long, whether you meet in person, make phone calls or exchange information over the Internet with Skype or Zoom (platform with presentation options). We recommend making fixed appointments, because this makes it easier for them to stay on the ball. You don't have to worry about scheduling every time. The "empathy partner" is helpful for several reasons: it can be very motivating to have someone who is on a similar path to you. You can practice CSFs with him without getting impatient when you need a little longer to find the right word. You can also agree to be available to each other for "communication emergencies". Then, for example, they support themselves in case of frustration or if you want to know quickly how to best formulate in a delicate situation.
2. You can also use the above options on your own to practice the CSFs.
Regular e-mail courses or the exercises included in this book are also useful if you want to deepen the topic. If you find it uncomfortable to communicate with someone else because you are still unsure in the formulations, self-empathy may offer itself. The advantage is that it is also enough to feel in yourself and you do not have to name the feeling or the need. You can also view an emotional and a needs list for practice purposes. But it is not important to speak "perfectly nonviolent" in order to be empathetic. For example, it also helps some people to listen sympathetically and occasionally show it to the other with "hums". Also, it is not always time to mention a feeling and a need. One of them may be enough. It is crucial that you focus your inner focus on the feelings and needs of the speaker. Sometimes the usual language can be helpful as a first step. For people who are in little contact with their feelings and needs themselves, pronouncing the person's assessments can provide much more relief, hearing and understanding. It remains important to make oneanother and the other aware that this is an assessment and to designate it as such. Example: "You feel like you're being excluded? Does that make you sad?"